Confessions of a progressive transgressor

August 13, 2007 by Alia McKee

Bless me for I have sinned.

I support the FOX Channel every Monday when I watch 24.
I ate Chilean Sea Bass at my favorite restaurant last week.
I don’t xeriscape my yard.
I eat veal, lamb and all sorts of other young animals.
I was lazy and just threw my old cell phone in the garbage.
I crank up my air conditioning in the summer.
I voted for Nader in 2000.

Yes – these are sins of a progressive, the person I espouse myself to be. And I don’t expect you to absolve me of these sins just because I admitted to them.

But I can’t help but wonder – can’t we just come up with some sort of medieval indulgence system – where I could pay other more pious liberals to take on my small share of sins? Come on – a sort of environmental Cap and Trade agreement that extends beyond carbon emissions, acid rain and Al Gore.

I can just see it now – a new social networking website – A MySpace for transgressing progressives – or transgressives for short. A place where I can find reverent liberals who will help cancel out some sins in exchange for a buck or a donation. Come on – Vincent Vegan …will you friend me?

It would help me sleep so much better a night.

For $10, Shane in San Francisco will bike to work because I drove. I just didn’t feel like having my hair messed up all day after wearing my very unfashionable bike helmet.

For $25, Alice in Atlanta will not use her air conditioning one day in June because really, when I get hot I just get irritable.

For $50, Kay in Kansas will not wear any leather products for a whole month because I just bought this great new handbag – and the leather feels so buttery.

Maybe –in our deepest darkest progressive heart of hearts – we are already using the indulgence system. In exchange for my car, I’ll make a donation to my favorite environmental cause. In exchange for that veal, I’ll support animal rights activism. What! You want me to walk…you want me to just eat lettuce! With this nifty donation system, I don’t necessarily have to walk the talk. I just have to pay for it.